I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
