So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
