So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
