oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
