Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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