I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
