Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
