i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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