Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
