I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
