well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
