thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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