i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
