omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
