I want to make a zoo with you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
