Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
