I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
