Why are handjobs necessary in class?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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