You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
