naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize