Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
