You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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