So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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