he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
