after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
