Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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