i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
