Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
