the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
