YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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