Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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