i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize