i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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