in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
