Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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