Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
FUCK WHALES
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