So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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