Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
