Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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