remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
