I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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