the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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