There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
