he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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