I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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