last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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