i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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