Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
