Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
