His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
