her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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