Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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