Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
