I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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