I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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