i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
