I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
