I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I got inside last night via doggy door
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
