shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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