Kiss
Puke
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
