I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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