tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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