just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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