she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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